But How Do the Squirrels Feel?

According to a headline article in the Christian Science Monitor:
MONKEYS HATE FLYING SQUIRRELS, REPORT MONKEY-ANNOYANCE EXPERTS

Japanese macaques will completely flip out when presented with flying squirrels, a new study in monkey-antagonism has found. The research could pave the way for advanced methods of enraging monkeys.

Seriously? In my next life (or when I grow up into adulthood in this one, whichever comes first), I'm going to become an expert in some ridiculous field of animal research and I'm going to waste millions of dollars in grant money to study some incredibly dumb behavior that nobody gives a shit about (except in this case maybe the freaked out and clearly unhappy monkeys) and then I'm going to have the results of my exhaustive work plastered as the top headline in newspapers the world over, thereby ensuring that tons more grant money comes my way, thus funding my next absolutely retarded research idea and making sure I am set for life.